My first born turned 18. I had been crying daily the first part of 2021. I’m better now. 🌹
There’s all sorts of feelings surfacing. There’s happiness for this next chapter in her life but then there’s sadness that I do not have more time to make the decisions for her. There is also a feeling of uncertainty. Have I done my absolute best to prepare my daughter in being who she is supposed to be and provide her with the necessary life skills?
Everyone around me is telling me I should be excited because now I can be just a tad bit more selfish. And although I know this feeling all too well with my divorce, it never gets easy. Change is uncomfortable. One reason divorce can be so hard is because it involves change. If you survived your divorce, you can survive this, too.
Below I share three things you can start doing that have helped me transition from Mom Boss to Mom Consultant.
*include paid affiliate links but all opinions are my own.
Let go of the negative feelings and plow ahead.
How can you move forward, if you do not allow yourself to feel what you are feeling? Letting go of negative feelings and becoming optimistic about your future requires vulnerability and the ability to be honest about what you are feeling. Embrace this necessary step in emotional detoxification. It is brave. You cannot mend what you do not comprehend. So sit in the discomfort for now and just purge. With each new chapter in our lives, there will be new beginnings. Let’s not simply survive, let’s thrive.
Allowing children to find their own way is par for the course. Man, have I had a lot of practice in letting go lately! I could not have said it better than former First Lady, Michelle Obama: “Being a mother has been a master class in letting go. Try as we might, there’s only so much we can control. And, boy, have I tried – especially at first.” Read her full quote here.
For the last 18 years, I was used to waking up and checking on my daughter. I would yell early in the morning, “Jaye, are you getting ready for school?” Now I wake up minding just one daughter and that can be a major adjustment. Why you say? Because each child is uniquely different and what they need from you will likely be different as well. You will need to retrain your brain and this takes time. Remember it takes 21 days to form a habit and 90 days to make it a way of life.
Work on yourself and look good doing it!
Work on yourself from the inside out, mind, body and spirt. Small steps like eating healthy, joining a spin class, reading personal development books, enrolling in an online course that you have always wanted to take but never had the time, the point is that you are striving to improve each day. We are a work in progress.
Champion your feminine energy. I know for myself I love the attributes of being a woman, and as the entrepreneur, the disruptor, the trailblazer, whatever you may call yourself, that sometimes requires us to tap into our masculinity to get things accomplished, but nothing is more powerful than the power of femininity. Wear that pump, put on that red lipstick, let your hair down and douse yourself with your favorite luxurious perfume. You will feel amazing for it.
Research has shown that how you feel about yourself affects how you show up, your confidence and attitude. So now you have a reason to go shopping. Check out these pumps here. Invest in new clothes that fit you well and get plenty of rest and self-care time.
Set your intentions and shock the world.
Life is too fleeting to sit back like a deer in headlights. You must get moving towards things that fulfill you and make you happy. Do you feel stuck? This is normal. Everyone from time to time feels a sense of stagnation, but do not take up residency there! When recreating your new life, break up the status quo, and the sooner you accept your new consulting role with your child, the quicker you get to focus on your future and what you want that to look like.
When I refer to intentions, I am not talking about writing down a list of New Year’s resolutions or goals. Being intentional about something means you speak as if it has already happened. It means you are taking the time to think about what you must do in the present to create the outcome you desire. It means you set a time frame, you stick to it, and then track your progress.
And if you do not know what you want to do next, this is the perfect time to experiment with new hobbies and interest. This will help you meet like-minded people. Recently I completed the first portion of a culinary program. I was terrified because it was completely different from any job experience I had ever had, but that’s the point. It was scary but exciting at the same time. I met people from all ethnic backgrounds. This new experience helped shape new perspective. Simply put, if you just start to live, you will begin to figure things out.
A few pictures from my milestone ceremony celebration
Gifts from my family
I would say the fourth thing you could do in surviving your child’s move to college is getting back out there and dating. But I will need to do a whole post on that topic later. 😁
Have you had a high school child leave for college? How did you cope with your child becoming a young adult? Please, share your story down below.
Health and happiness. . .