When you are going through a divorce, it is so important to have family and friends around for support. I mean it is crucial. During this period of craziness, you are not yourself and you will not be yourself for the next couple of years. Change is hard. Research has proven that when you are going through a traumatic event, you go into survival mode and when you are using the part of the brain that which controls survival, you cannot think clearly and make logical decisions. That’s why you need friends around for emotional support to help sustain you while you are in crisis.
I want to apologize to my friends. I was so immersed in the divorce process and protecting my children, that I was a lousy friend and sister at times. I love the old saying, Charge it to my mind, not my heart. And that pretty much sums up your behavior during this time, but hopefully your true friends will recognize that because they know your heart.
Just think about it for a second. You are recreating your life all over again! You lost in-laws. You lost mutual friends because some will pick sides. And when you were married, you were probably more into taking care of your family than maintaining and nurturing your friendships and as a result, some of those friendships may have fell by the wayside.
Well, when you know better, you do better. Don’t do it again! Lol Take time to nurture your relationships. And when you are a working single mom, you must be intentional about it, and what I mean by that is you have to schedule it just like you would schedule a business meeting or salon appointment. Put it on your calendar.
And just a reminder that you need nonjudgmental, reassuring, proactive, make-you-forget-your-problems friends. A lot of friends will reach out during this time and they may have well intent, but if they are not the right type of friends that you need at this moment, it may do more harm than good.
What you need right now is a trusting confidant and someone who will encourage you when things get heavy, not someone who tells you to quit whining and you should have gotten over it by now. 😒 You have made your decision! Find people who will support that decision, whether they understand it or not, and not have you second guessing your choice. Make sure you keep a healthy distance from those type of friends until you have healed.
Recently I hooked up with an old friend from my childhood. She had moved away across the country, so I hadn’t seen her in person in over 20 years, but when we got together, it felt like old times. She shared some of her experience during her divorce, and we ate, laughed and were silly together. Connection and to be understood is exactly what you need while you are transitioning. If you have a friend like that, get on the phone immediately and call them.