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Did I make the right decision? Should I have stayed for the kids? Will divorce ruin my children’s lives? Am I failing as a mother? These are the questions I would ask myself weekly or even daily sometimes. Things would be going great and then I would have a bad day with the girls and boom! I suddenly went down the rabbit hole of divorced mom guilt.
I think all moms have some form of guilt, but as a divorced mom, it can be even more complex. You are trying to heal from the divorce while still being a mother. Also, you know what it was like to have full-time help and now you know what it feels like not to have daily help. It’s FLIPPIN hard!
You start to feel like you’re not enough or that you’re not capable of doing this alone. You have guilt about having to work long hours and not spending as much time with the kids as you’d like. You wish you could give your kids everything that their friends have in two-parent households like going on lavish vacations regularly and a big house, and because of this nagging guilt, you are probably overcompensating in some way.
It’s inevitable that these thoughts will creep into your mind from time to time, but when they do, you must immediately recognize the negative self-talk and change your mindset. Would you talk to your best friend like that? Probably not.
After several years now of braving this thing called motherhood alone, I can say I have some control over my divorced mom guilt. My kids are thriving, they are doing well in school and they are happy. Some things that helped me overcome divorced mom guilt are:
Practice being kind to yourself.
Remember, you are doing this alone and you’re doing the best you can.
Acknowledge that you are probably not failing as bad in the mommy department as much as you think.
Do not forget that you have overcome some incredible challenges.
And lastly, you are the Queen of your Queendom and the empire would fail without you! 👑
I am a big believer in self-development and encourage other mothers to do the same. Here are some great book resources.
- For turning negative self-talk into positive talk, What to Say When You Talk to Your self, by Shad Helmstetter
- For the Mompreneurs out there: Girl, Stop Apologizing: A Shame-Free Plan for Embracing and Achieving your Goals, by Rachel Hollis
- For those dealing with the fear of being alone, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courgage to Stand Alone, by Brene Brown, PhD.
- For those who need a little faith, the Bible. My favorite scriptures, Proverbs 3:5-6 and Philippians 4:13.
How are you coping with divorced mom guilt? Share your story below.
Health and happiness. . .
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